


Mothers and Secrets

by allineedistime



Series: Strangers in a Thunderstorm [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, don't blink if you don't want to miss nayeon, sorry for not including the rest of the girls, there's a smut scene but the rest is fluff and softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24946612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allineedistime/pseuds/allineedistime
Summary: The one where Sana and Dahyun are in a relationship and Sana's mom surprises her with a visit, suddenly Dahyun is 'just a friend'.-x-Sorry for being shit at writing summaries. This is a continuation of my other two-chapter story called "Strangers in a Thunderstorm", you should probably read that first if you want to know how they met and get some of the references here :)
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Series: Strangers in a Thunderstorm [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805461
Comments: 24
Kudos: 148





	Mothers and Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guess who's back :) I really missed them so I decided to write another chapter. Today is my 100th day of quarantine so I guess I don't have anything better to do other than this. I hope you enjoy <3

The sun was shining softly that Saturday afternoon. Sana and Dahyun were walking back to the former’s apartment hand in hand, each carrying several shopping bags. Dahyun swung their interlaced hands as they strolled leisurely. The weather was starting to get warmer and it was a welcomed change.

Five months had passed since New Year’s and their relationship had only flourished further. They fit perfectly with each other, as if it had always been meant to be like that. Even if to some people five months may not seem like much time, they felt as if they had known each other their whole lives. Every second that they spent together was cherished. They felt that all the time that they hadn’t known each other had to be recovered so they took advantage of every moment in which they could be in each other's company (which even included them doing laundry together and taking study breaks in the middle of the afternoon just to hang out for a while.)

They were approaching Sana’s apartment, laughing as always, when Sana stopped dead in her tracks. Dahyun stopped as well and looked at her, confusion evident in her eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Sana dropped her hand and put the bags on the floor.

“My- my mom is here,” Sana said, her gaze fixed ahead on a middle aged woman with a big suitcase standing next to the apartment building door.

Sana took off and hugged her mom tightly. The woman was definitely taken by surprise but soon recognised that characteristic flowery smell of her daughter and reciprocated the embrace.

Dahyun stood at some distance, not wanting to interfere in the bonding moment. She knew how much Sana missed her family. She could see the happiness that took hold of Sana’s features, how her brows furrowed together as she breathed unevenly against her mom’s neck.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Sana whispered in her mother tongue.

“I’ve missed you so much, too.” The woman grabbed her daughter by the arms and looked at her. “You look good.”

“I’ve been good,” Sana replied with tears in her eyes. “You look good as well.”

Sana’s mother dried her tears and caressed her daughter’s cheek lovingly.

Dahyun was still looking at them. She felt a little awkward and she wasn’t sure about what she was supposed to do. A part of her felt that she didn’t belong there, that she should let mother and daughter catch up after so much time apart, but the other part of her wondered whether Sana would want her to be there. Before she could make a choice, a voice called her back to reality.

“Hi, you must be one of Sana’s friends,” Sana’s mother addressed her in a heavy-accented Korean.

The word “friend” caught her by surprise. Their relationship had been official for a few months now, but still, Sana’s mother probably didn’t know every single one of Sana’s friends so she had the right to be confused.

“Yeah,” Sana replied quickly before Dahyun could even open her mouth. “Dahyun’s a new friend, I’ve told you about her.” As the woman made a confused expression, Sana continued. “The one who helped me with the party…”

“Oh, right. Nice to meet you, I’m Sana’s mom, Fumiko.”

Dahyun was shocked, she looked at Sana’s face as she offered her hand to the woman. Sana’s mien only revealed fear and desperation, her eyes pleading for Dahyun to play along.

“Nice to meet you,” Dahyun smiled warmly at the woman.

Sana shifted her footing, she looked anxious. She hated that she forced Dahyun to lie, that she had hidden their relationship from her parents, that she had never found the courage to come out to them in spite of knowing she liked girls since she was eleven.

“Let me help you with your luggage,” Sana took hold of the heavy suitcases and opened the front door to the apartment building.

Sana let her mom in first and shot Dahyun an apologetic glance before following her inside the building. The three women made their way upstairs and Dahyun placed the grocery bags in the kitchen counter before grabbing her backpack and walking to the living-room area to say her goodbyes.

“Okay, I’ll let you two catch up,” Dahyun said as she tightly grabbed the straps of her backpack.

Sana’s face dropped even more. Her heart and mind were confused: on the one hand, she was elated that her mother had come to visit her, but on the other, she didn’t want to break Dahyun’s heart in the process of reuniting with her parent.

“No, you can stay,” the woman replied. “I’m too tired anyways, I’ll probably pass out in half an hour.”

“Yeah, ba-” Sana bit her tongue. “Dahyun, you can stay.”

Dahyun stood in the room, her eyes travelled between the woman and her girlfriend’s eyes, looking for a sign to tell her what she should actually do.

“Please, stay,” Sana mouthed at her from behind her mother’s frame. Her pleading eyes were impossible for Dahyun to resist.

“Okay, I guess I can stay for a while,” Dahyun smiled shyly.

“Great. Where were you girls coming from?”

“Oh, we went grocery shopping. We were going to cook a homemade meal tonight, cup noodles are not that good for you when you eat them five times a week.” Sana laughed but it sounded dry, still, her mom didn’t seem to notice the change in her daughter’s demeanour.

“Well, I hope you bought enough ingredients for three.”

“We did, don’t worry about that,” Dahyun added from her place in the couch.

“I hope you’re not letting my daughter take the lead…” Fumiko said as she got closer to Dahyun so that the other girl didn’t hear. “We all know she’s not the best chef out there.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom,” Sana feigned offence as she approached them with fresh drinks.

“I’m just stating the truth, you definitely don’t take after my side of the family when it comes to cooking.”

“Well, you’re going to be surprised then. Dahyun’s been helping and teaching me a lot lately. I’m even confident enough to say I’m an ‘average’ cook.”

“I had to find something to give her in exchange of her coffee recipe, so cooking classes it is.”

Fumiko brought the glass down from her mouth and looked at her daughter with big eyes. “You gave her the recipe just like that? The recipe that took me years to perfect?”

Sana did look a bit scared of her mother at that moment. “No… well, I- I’ve been revealing the steps little by little.” Sana looked at Dahyun for support. “Right?”

“Right, she’s very strict with how much she reveals. I could only get the first ingredient which is, literally, ‘coffee’.” Dahyun looked for the note on her phone and showed it to the woman. It was titled ‘Sana’s special delicious coffee recipe💜’ and the text consisted of only one bullet point with the word ‘coffee’.

“Hm, I see…”

They spent a couple more hours chatting and exchanging a few stories. Fumiko told them that Sana’s father had taken up golf and, surprisingly, he was quite good at it. She had joined an online yoga class and Sana’s grandma had won a knitting competition (if such a thing even existed.)

Sana was glowing. A full smile illuminating her face, her eyes glinting, her hands looking for her mother’s every once in a while. And there was nothing Dahyun wanted more than to see her this happy all the time, even if a small voice was telling her that they inevitably had to have a heavy conversation in the near future.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll take a nap.” Fumiko stood up and stretched her back. “I want to be rested to taste your amazing meal.”

“You can use my bed, you know where it is.” Sana helped her mom take her luggage to her room, closed the door and went back to the living-room.

Dahyun saw her walking towards her with sad eyes. She knew the words she was going to say even before she opened her mouth.

“I’m so so sorry, Dahyun. I didn’t know she was going to drop by.” Sana took her hands in hers and the way she was looking at her girlfriend spoke louder than any words could.

“Hey, it’s okay. It just took me by surprise. I mean, I- I thought you were already out to your family.” Dahyun knew how hard coming out could be so the last thing she wanted was to pressure Sana.

“I tried, believe me I did. It’s just- I don’t know, I’ve always been too much of a coward and then I came here and I kind of forgot about it. Here I’m free to do whatever I want without having to explain myself to anyone. Momo knew, and somehow that was enough.” Sana’s eyes filled with tears. “Please don’t think I’m ashamed of you… of us,” her voice broke.

“I don’t think that at all, babe. I know who you are, and I know how much our relationship means to the both of us,” Dahyun squeezed her hands and gave her a smile to reassure her.

“Thank you,” Sana breathed against her neck as she hugged her tightly. “Thank you for being so amazing. I promise I’ll try.”

“No, I don’t want you to feel as if you have to do it just for me. It’s something that you should do when you feel safe and sure. I’ll still be here, whether you come out or not.” She drew circles on Sana’s back with her hand to soothe her.

Sana’s only answer was the release of a puff of air.

“Besides, we kind of skipped the whole ‘friends’ stage, maybe it’ll be fun.”

Sana laughed and Dahyun’s heart soared at the sound. She lovingly looked at Dahyun’s eyes and placed a soft kiss against her lips, then one to her cheek.

“We better start cooking.”

“Yeah, I have a mother-in-law to impress.”

Sana giggled and kissed her chastely. She then dragged her to the kitchen and they helped each other put on their aprons. Dahyun looked up a sundubu jjigae recipe and they started working on it together. Their teamwork was impeccable, one of them would clean the clams while the other cut the tofu, then the other would slice the mushrooms while the other stirred, then they would get too distracted stealing kisses from each other (always keeping a watchful eye on the door.)

They finished the dish and set the table. Sana knocked on the door to her room and walked in to wake her mother up. The woman was still in bed, scrolling through her phone, apparently brushing up on her Korean a bit.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the hallway into the kitchen. Both girls wore proud smiles as they watched the woman’s eyes open like plates, a clear sign of her expectations being surpassed by what they had prepared.

“I have to admit, this looks delicious.”

“Well, it tastes even better than it looks,” Sana filled her mom’s plate with food and then did the same for Dahyun and herself.

“Mmm, you’re right,” Fumiko closed her eyes at the taste. “Maybe I’ll let you back in the kitchen when you come to visit us.”

“I must say that Dahyun is mostly responsible for this tasting as it does. She’s the one who has all the special tips.”

“Where did you learn them? Is you mother a good cook?” the woman asked with her mouth full.

“Yeah, she’s really good, but I actually learnt more from working in a restaurant than from my mom,” Dahyun laughed a bit.

“So you’re a chef?”

“No, no. I’m just a waitress and until my piano playing can pay for rent I think I’ll keep on being one.” Dahyun said this with a deflated tone, she had been trying to make her music career take off over the past few months but all her expectations had been crushed again and again. Sana noticed this, and squeezed her thigh under the table.

“She’s incredibly talented. She not only plays but composes as well. She’ll be famous one day so, if I were you, I’d take a picture with her now before she starts charging for them.”

Dahyun smiled at Sana before looking down at her food shyly. Sana’s confidence in her skills never failed to make her stomach fill with butterflies. She needed someone to tell her that she hadn’t been wasting her life away by choosing to pursue a career in music and Sana was always there to be that person.

The three women ate the rest of the food until there was nothing left and kept on talking as Fumiko did the dishes (even if both girls told her that she didn’t have to.)

“How’s Momo? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“She’s good. Our dance classes are going great, we have three new students,” Sana said proudly.

“Do you see her often? Now that she moved with- moved out?”

The slight hesitation in saying ‘her girlfriend’ made all the confidence that Sana had been gathering to vanish. She knew that her mother was aware about Momo being gay, Mayuko had told her about it when Momo came out before they left for Korea. Still, they had never discussed it and Sana always wondered what her parents’ opinion on it was. Her mother had a special talent to avoid the subject apparently.

“Yes, we see each other almost every day.”

“Well, I hope she has a free evening for us this week.”

“Hm?” Sana was confused.

“Mayuko is getting here tomorrow, we wanted to get plane tickets together but we couldn’t and so she’s arriving tomorrow morning.”

“Momo’s mom is coming to visit as well? Does Momo know?”

“No, it’s a surprise. We wanted to surprise you together but well, we did what we could.”

Sana knew her best friend wasn’t the biggest fan of surprises, but she didn’t want to ruin it for her so she just hoped Momo would be presentable when her mother knocked at her door. She made a mental note to subtly advise her to clean the apartment and wear clothes more often.

It was almost midnight when they decided to go to bed. Sana insisted on her mother taking her bed as it was the most comfortable. Luckily, Momo’s old room was still furnished. Dahyun said she’d go to her own apartment but the other two insisted on her staying as it was already too late for her to walk alone at night.

“You can take Momo’s bed and I’ll sleep on the couch,” Sana said, each word killing her as she pronounced it.

“Okay,” Dahyun agreed. She had formed the habit of sleeping cuddled up to Sana over the past weeks and it had worked wonders for her sleeping schedule, but she didn’t mind sleeping alone if it made Sana less worried about raising suspicions.

They all got ready for bed and bid their goodnights to each other. Sana covered herself with a blanket as she stared at the ceiling. She hated everything about it. Hated that Dahyun was so close yet so far, hated that she was the biggest coward the world had ever seen, hated that she wanted to have a nice time while her mother was there but a part of her was dying to tell her how in love she was.

A part of her was dying to tell Dahyun how much in love with her she was.

A faint light filtered from the big window, making the shadows bigger, and they threatened to swallow her whole if she didn’t get out of there soon. That night more than ever she needed Dahyun’s arms.

She cautiously stood up and tiptoed to what used to be Momo’s room. She tried to listen for any sounds, for any sign of Dahyun being awake but she couldn’t hear anything. She slowly opened the door, praying for it to not screech. She peeked inside and saw a small unmoving bundle under the covers, Dahyun was probably asleep.

“Come here,” a faint whisper was heard coming from under the covers. Dahyun made room for her and opened her arms. Sana quickly made her way to the bed and fell right into them.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Sana confessed.

“Me neither, I missed you,” Dahyun placed a kiss to her crown and snuggled her closer to her body. Sana was content just like this, she didn’t need anything else. “At what time does you mom normally wake up?”

“I don’t know, she likes to sleep but she did take a nap so, maybe around nine?” Sana answered with her eyes closed, sleep already catching up to her. “Can you set the alarm so I can go back to the couch before she notices?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.”

“Thank you, baby.” Sana placed a sleepy kiss against her neck which made Dahyun almost drop her phone on her face as the shivers travelled through her body.

“Done. Let’s sleep now, good night.”

“Sweet dreams,” Sana’s arms hugged Dahyun’s waist tighter as she fell asleep.

\-----------------------------

Their plan worked perfectly well and Sana only had to pretend to be asleep for ten minutes until her mother came out of her room, dressed and ready to explore more of the city and spend time with her daughter. She had also offered to pick up Momo’s mom from the airport, somehow forgetting that Sana didn’t have a car… or knew how to drive. And if that was the case, there was only one way for them to solve it. Sana looked at Dahyun with the biggest smile she could muster as the younger girl walked out of the bathroom.

“Good morning…” she said, she knew something was up when Sana smiled at her like that. Something she was probably not going to like.

“Dahyunnie!! You know how much I appreciate you, right?” Sana started, looking at her with puppy eyes. Dahyun tried not to melt in front of Fumiko, that would be embarrassing.

“Oh, boy. What do you need?”

“Can you ask Tzuyu for her car so we can pick up Momo’s mom from the airport? Please, please, please.” Sana smiled again and put her hands together as she begged to her girlfriend.

“You know how Tzuyu is with her car…”

“Please, think about how happy Momo will be once she reunites with her mom after such a long time. You’d be bringing a family together, you could-”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dahyun interrupted her.

“Thank you! You’re the best.”

An hour later the three of them were sitting in Tzuyu’s car, ready to drive to the airport. Dahyun had had to beg her friend once more, even after promising herself never to put herself through such a humiliating ordeal again after what happened when she went shopping with Sana.

The woman was already waiting for them and Sana hugged her tightly, almost as tight as she had held her own mother the day before. Dahyun drove them to Momo’s apartment and the three of them watched as Mayuko rang the bell. Dahyun had parked somewhere hidden so that they could all enjoy the reunion without interrupting.

A few minutes later, an astonished Momo appeared and threw her arms around her mother’s small frame.

\-----------------------------

As it was the weekend, Dahyun and Sana had already made plans but the surprise guest had forced them to change them. Around noon, Sana had received a text message from Momo which said something about her mother having the great idea of the four of them going to a nice restaurant and spending a pleasant evening remembering the good old days. Sana had no choice but to accept, she again apologized profusely to Dahyun and told her mother about it.

Dahyun was a bit disappointed that they wouldn’t have the whole weekend to themselves. The past week had been exhausting, between studying and work and a few auditions that didn’t go well she just wanted to put on nice clothes and go out with Sana, maybe even get drunk.

She decided to text her friends to hang out.

Dahyun [13:04]  
Are you free to hang out tonight?

Her Majesty Tzuyu [13:15]  
Look who remembered she has friends for other things apart from asking for their car………

Chae [13:16]  
Tzuyu is right  
You kinda forgot about us lately 😔

Dahyun [13:16]  
Oh come on  
I didn’t forget about you  
It’s just that life’s been kinda crazy  
And we hanged out last week please don’t exaggerate

Her Majesty Tzuyu [13:19]  
We used to hang out more before

Dahyun [13:20]  
It’s okay Tzu  
You can admit you miss me, we’re not gonna judge you

Chae [13:21]  
Don’t do it baby  
It’s a trap

Her Majesty Tzuyu [13:24]  
I do miss you tho you big fool  
And yes  
We are free tonight

Chae [13:24]  
TZUYUUUU  
It was your idea to make her work for it and now you’re betraying me😭

Dahyun [13:26]  
I miss you both too💞  
See you at the bar

Dahyun collected her things from around Sana’s apartment and left with the excuse of having to work on some project for one of her classes. She wanted to give Sana and her mother some space, she had been around them for the whole time they were together and she was sure that, even if Sana didn’t want her to leave, her mother would find it weird for ‘just a friend’ to be tagging along all day.

Dahyun closed the door and walked the long hallway in low-spirits. She disliked herself for feeling like this. She then heard Sana’s voice calling for her.

“Dahyunnie,” Sana ran after her to catch up with her. “Let me walk you out.”

They descended the stairs and right before turning the corner towards the front door, Sana grabbed Dahyun by the arm so that she would face her.

“Sorry for cancelling our plans.”

“It’s okay, I want you spend some quality time with your mom, I know how much you’ve missed her.”

“I promise after she leaves I’m all yours.”

“You better,” Dahyun squeezed her hand a bit to let her know she was joking. “I’m hanging out with Chae and Tzuyu tonight, though, so don’t feel too bad. Just focus on your family today, I don’t want you to worry about me, we have endless weekends to spend together.”

“Okay,” Sana gave her one of her beautiful smiles. “Tell Chae and Tzuyu I said hi.”

“I will, you tell Momo.”

“Yeah,” Sana just stared at her, her big almond-shaped eyes (that made Dahyun turn into a puddle) expressing those words she couldn’t bring herself to pronounce just yet. “Okay, I better go now. Mom wanted to go shopping or something like that.”

“Okay, see you when I see you.” Dahyun looked around to make sure no one was watching and kissed Sana tenderly. The other girl put her arms around her neck and reciprocated the kiss, deepening it a bit. Dahyun’s breath was knocked out of her lungs, it had been months since their first kiss and she still couldn’t get used to how her whole body reacted when her girlfriend’s lips touched hers. “As much as I love this," Dahyun said interrupting the kiss, “I have to go and so do you.”

Sana hummed in response as she chased her lips once more. “Okay,” she then stole another kiss. “Go,” she said as she pecked her lips one last time before letting the shorter girl go.

\-----------------------------

The four women entered the restaurant that warm evening. The place was full of laughter and voices in deep conversation were coming from every corner, the smell of the different dishes mixed together opened their appetites as they made their way to their table.

“I’m so glad we’re all together again,” said Mayuko as she sat in front of her daughter. “Well, almost all, your father really wanted to come but you know how it is with his job.”

“Yeah, I know he did.” Momo squeezed her mother’s hand over the table.

“Good evening, my name is Jiyoon and I’ll be your waitress for the night,” a young short-haired girl with tired eyes said as she took out a small notepad and pen. “Are you ready to order?”

Sana and Momo helped their mothers to place their orders and then did the same for themselves. Fifteen minutes later, their table was full of small bowls filled with different dishes and they started to eat.

“The food is really good,” Sana’s mom said with her mouth full. When her daughter didn’t answer she talked again. “Right, Sana?”

“Uh, sorry. I didn’t hear you.” Sana was distracted, had been since Dahyun left. She really wanted to have a nice meal with people she loved after months of craving her mother’s presence, but she couldn’t stop thinking about everything. Her mind going a thousand miles a minute about what could happen if her mom found out about her liking girls… about her being in a relationship with a girl. About her hiding all of that from her for her whole life.

“I said the food is delicious.”

“Yeah, it is,” Sana faked a smile and nibbled at her food. Momo noticed the change in demeanour of her best friend, after all they had spent more days together than apart. Sana felt a light kick on her foot, so she turned to face her friend and was met with worried eyes and an are-you-ok look. Sana only nodded.

Sana heard a beep come from her phone, so she checked it. She certainly didn’t expect a message from the girl literally sitting less than a metre away from her.

Momoring [20:24]  
What’s up? I can tell something’s bothering you

Sana [20:25]  
Later

“Girls, please no phones while we’re eating.”

“Yeah, let’s just enjoy the moment.”

The rest of the evening carried on like nothing was going on, even if every single cell in Sana’s body was telling her to get up, take a walk, scream, do anything but sit down and pretend to be okay.

“... and when Momo was failing maths so Sana would go home every day after school to tutor her but they just ended up watching movies all afternoon…” Mayuko smiled and looked lovingly at the two girls. “They’ve always encouraged each other’s naughty side to come out.”

“Or that time when Sana lied about her swimming coach threatening to kick her out of the team if she didn’t work on her technique so she told me she had to stay longer to practice… until I found a ticket from the arcade on her pocket. Two weeks. That’s how long it took me to realise she just had been hanging out with Momo every day after school.”

The both of them remembered exactly. It was not that they enjoyed lying to their parents, or that they wanted to be rebellious, it was that it was Momo’s first heartbreak and Sana didn’t know what to do except spend time with her. She didn’t have much experience in the love department at the time so she didn’t know what to say to make her feel better: ‘it will be okay’, ‘she didn’t deserve you’, ‘there’s plenty of girls out there’, nothing seemed to be the right combination of words that would actually make Momo feel better, so she just did what she knew would work. She took Momo out and they played games until the only thought in her mind was how to beat Sana. They didn’t tell their mothers this.

When Fumiko suggested ordering dessert, Sana couldn’t keep it in anymore. She stood up like a spring, three pairs of eyes looking at her, surprised at the sudden action.

“I- I need to use the toilet. Momo, come with me?” Sana grabbed her friend’s wrist and made her stand up. They made their way to the toilet and closed the door behind them. Sana checked that all the stalls were empty and sighed, closing her eyes.

“Okay, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Momo crossed her arms and looked at her.

“I don’t know, I-” Sana ran her fingers through her hair and walked from side to side with big strides. “It’s killing me.”

“What is?” Momo was getting worried now, she had no idea what her friend was talking about. “Do you want to go back to Japan?”

“What? No, not at all. I don’t want to leave.”

“Then what is it?” Momo grabbed her forearms and made her stop pacing, she lifted her chin and made her look into her eyes. “Please tell me.”

“I can’t bear to lie to her anymore.”

Momo immediately understood. “About Dahyun?”

Sana sighed at the mention of the name, tears threatening to fall. She bit her lip to keep them in. “Yeah, it’s been years since I found out I’m gay and I never had the urge that I have now to come out to my mom. And there’s been other girls in my life, and plenty other opportunities before, but somehow with Dahyun it’s different. I don’t want her to think I’m ashamed of her, or who we are, or our relationship.”

Momo put her arms around her and hugged her tightly, tighter than ever. Sana’s pain was her own, and she had been there before so she knew how hard it could be to all of a sudden change the perception that someone else has of you, especially a parent. The fears that don’t let you sleep, the doubts that won’t let you eat, the sobs that threaten to burst, the search for words to explain yourself that never seem to be the right ones.

“I don’t want to lose her,” Sana grabbed a fistful of Momo’s shirt to ground herself. “But I also can’t bear to lose my family,” her voice broke and her breathing ragged.

“What makes you think that? You’re not going to lose anyone.” Momo hated seeing her like this. She closed her eyes and tried to convey with her hug how much her friend was loved.

“You don’t know that. I just- ugh, it’s driving me insane. I’ve tried to pick on little hints of what my mom thinks of gay people but she’s so damn closed off. I don’t know what she thinks, she never talks about it. Ever. She didn’t even talk about it when she found out about you.” Momo kept on caressing her back, letting her release her bottled feelings. “What if she doesn’t accept me? What if she doesn’t want to see me anymore? I can’t bear the thought of losing my family, Momo.”

“Then I’ll be all the family you need.” Sana started crying. “Your parents love you, Satang. Everyone loves you, it’s kind of impossible not to. And if they don’t accept you then they are the ones that are going to miss out on being a part of your life. But you don’t have to worry about being alone, cause I’m here and I’ll always be. No matter what.”

Sana breathed in her friend’s smell, it always calmed her down. “Thank you, Momo. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Momo broke the hug and looked at Sana, using her thumb to dry her tears. “Now let me fix your makeup, I can’t let you have dessert while looking a mess.”

Sana let out a wet laugh.

\-----------------------------

“Over here!” Chaeyoung shouted as she spotted Dahyun enter the bar.

Dahyun identified her friends sitting on the corner of the place and made her way towards them, trying not to bump into any drunk people.

“Hey,” she sat down and took a swig of Tzuyu’s beer.

“Hello to you too,” Tzuyu said as she looked at her girlfriend for a clue on what was going on with their friend.

“Maybe you should eat something first,” Chaeyoung waved a young waiter over and ordered a few things for the three of them. "Are you planning on getting drunk?"

"No, I just needed a sip."

“I want you to know that I was this close,” Chaeyoung closed her index finger over her thumb only leaving a minimal space between them, “to convincing Tzuyu to let me paint on our living-room wall tonight, but instead I’m here cause you wanted to see us…” As Dahyun didn’t look at her, she continued. “And in order to help you with whatever is bothering you, first I need to know what’s going on.”

“Yeah, we can tell from your face. You furrow your brows when you’re worried,” Tzuyu said in a soft voice.

“Sana’s mom came to visit her.”

“Really? That’s great,” Chaeyoung smiled, but it quickly faded when she noticed Dahyun wasn’t done talking.

“And… she’s not out to her.” She had been thinking about whether to tell her friends about Sana’s situation or not. She didn’t want to be one to talk about other people’s business behind their back, but after thinking about it for a long time she realised that she really needed an outsider’s opinion and there was no one whom she trusted more than her two best friends.

Chaeyoung and Tzuyu hummed as a sign of understanding.

“And I hate this situation cause I don’t want her to feel like shit about it, and I know she does. She feels that she’s ‘lying’ to her mom or something.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“Barely, her mom got here yesterday and she spent almost every second with her. I just couldn’t find the right moment to sit down with her without having to worry about her mom interrupting or eavesdropping.”

“Well, she shouldn’t think that she’s ‘lying’ to anyone. Coming out is a very long process, telling your family is just basically the end of it,” Tzuyu brought the beer bottle to her lips and took a sip. “It’s not lying, it’s the opposite. It’s telling everyone that what they thought is one way is actually another.”

“I know that, but she feels that she owes me something. She thinks that I’ll feel that she’s ashamed of being in a relationship with me. When, in fact, the last thing I want is for her to feel that she needs to come out because of me.”

“But…” Chaeyoung could read through her better than anyone.

“But… I was just surprised when she introduced me as her friend, and I think she took it the wrong way.” Dahyun looked at her friends. “For some reason I thought she was out, she has always been so confident about herself and never hesitates to take my hand or kiss me in public. It never crossed my mind that she was suffering about it in silence.”

“I think you really need to talk to her before she rushes into it.”

“I know, but it’s so hard to get her alone. I mean, last night we could have but she just wanted me to hold her, I could tell she didn’t want to talk yet.”

“Send her a text, ask her if you can see her later,” Tzuyu suggested.

“Yeah, you both need to see each other, talk about it and be on the same page before it turns into a mess because of a small misunderstanding.”

Dahyun fiddled with her fingers and then rested her head on the cold table. Two hands immediately found their way to her back.

“I want to be there for her,” her voice came muffled as she let her friends comfort her.

“And you are.”

\-----------------------------

The three women finished their dinner and were ready to leave the restaurant when Sana’s phone started ringing. She took it out of her pocket and saw Dahyun’s name on the screen, so she decided to drift from the group to have more privacy.

“I have to take it,” she excused herself and walked out into the street.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Dahyun answered on the other side of the phone.

“Did something happen?”

“No, I just wanted to know if we can talk tonight. I know I said you should hang with your mom and have a nice time but I also think we need to talk. It’s okay if you don’t want to, we can leave it for later.”

“No, no. I do want to talk. The problem is how to get rid of my mom for a while.”

“Can’t you get Momo to distract her or something?”

Sana laughed. “I don’t think that’ll work, I believe she’d notice if her own daughter was missing. I have to think of a good enough reason.”

“Mmm, I don’t know. But if you can and want to come, I’ll be in my apartment.”

“Okay, I’ll think of something.”

“Okay,” Dahyun let out a breath. “See you later then.”

“Yeah, bye. Lo-” Sana bit her tongue. The four-letter word had been threatening to come out for the past weeks, but for some reason she always stopped before it could free itself. “I- I’ll be there.”

Sana hang up the phone and looked up at the sky, breathing in the sweet fresh air.

“Is everything okay?” Fumiko appeared by her side, startling her daughter a little bit.

“Yeah, it was Eunbi, the woman from the dance studio. She said she-” Sana was sure her brain cells had never worked harder than at that moment. “She’s leaving on a last minute trip and she needs to give me the studio’s keys so we can teach our class on Monday.”

“Oh, can’t she leave them with someone else?”

“No, I mean she- she tried but I’m somehow the only one available and that lives nearby.”

“Okay, we can pick them up on our way back.”

“It’s okay, it’ll be a minute. You go with Momo and Mayuko, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Okay,” her mom placed a kiss on her temple and then walked to where Momo and her mom were waiting by their car. When her friend noticed she wasn’t going with them she sent her a what-the-fuck look but Sana dismissed her and gestured to her phone.

Sana [22:48]  
I’ll go talk to Dahyun  
Please keep my mom busy

\-----------------------------

Sana watched them leave and then waved down a cab. She was outside of Dahyun’s apartment fifteen minutes later, she took a deep breath and rang the bell.

Sana could hear footsteps approaching and, a second later, Dahyun was standing in front of her.

"Hey, come in," she pecked Sana's lips and moved against the wall for her girlfriend to go inside. "How was dinner?"

"It was nice. I really missed it, just talking about random stuff… even if it included some embarrassing old stories," Sana rolled her eyes.

"Well, I hope I get to hear those one day."

"I'll make sure you don't."

Dahyun laughed and took Sana's hand gently. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm okay."

Dahyun grabbed a glass of water for herself and, without letting go of Sana's hand, she guided her to her room. She then closed her laptop and patted the spot next to her for Sana to sit down.

"I- I wanted to talk to you because I-" Dahyun was nervous, she didn't know how to address the subject without stressing or upsetting Sana more. "I know you're worried about your mom not knowing about us and stuff."

Sana lowered her head and fixed her eyes on her hands, she knew that conversation was long overdue but a knot still formed in her throat. She didn't say anything.

Dahyun sighed and took one of Sana's hands in hers, she then sat cross-legged in front of her. "Hey, look at me."

Sana bit her lip trying to keep in all her overflowing emotions, everything felt like too much. She still did as Dahyun asked.

"I only want you to worry about yourself and what you need, you don’t have to feel that you're failing me or what we have because you're not out to your family."

Sana took a minute to steady herself before talking. "I never meant for it to happen like this. I- I always thought that the minute I had a serious relationship I would tell them but-" the tears started falling.

"But, Sana, coming out is something you do when you're ready. It’s your decision, your choice and your timing. I don't want you to feel forced to come out."

"You don't deserve this. You deserve someone who's not a fucking coward." Sana covered her eyes with her hands in a desperate attempt to stop the tears.

"No. Stop that. I know what I deserve and you're all of that and more. You're loving and hard-working and caring and incredibly generous and funny; so don’t you ever think, even for a second, that you are not enough."

"I just can't stop thinking about what could happen. I don't want to lose them. I've tried to rationally think about all the possibilities but it's so damn hard to figure out what they're thinking. It's as if they intentionally avoid the subject."

"My family was the same, you know." Dahyun moved to sit against the headboard next to Sana, who placed her head on her shoulder, Dahyun’s hand unconsciously moving to caress her hair. "I come from a pretty religious family, the let's-go-to-mass-every-Sunday kinda family, so I was really scared. It's not that I thought they would kick me out or never want to see me again, but I still didn't want them to think differently of me. I was still going to be their daughter, I was still me."

Sana breathed hard and nuzzled closer to her, listening intently to her story.

"They had never said anything bad about gay people but they had never said anything good either… I started to feel suffocated whenever I was at home, I had to be aware of every single thing I said or did in front of them so as not to accidentally out myself, and that shit is exhausting. I would cry myself to sleep every night, I would pray to God to please make it stop, I would force myself to go on dates with boys… nothing worked."

Dahyun swallowed a small lump and placed a kiss on Sana's temple. "One day I was reading a book, and at one point in one of the stories there's a passage that talks about an explorer who goes to Greenland…"

Sana was confused now, she sat up straighter and looked at Dahyun, her full attention on her.

"I mean, the story in itself has nothing to do with this but it somehow reflected exactly how I felt, even if it can seem to be a bit dramatic," Dahyun paused for a second. "So, there's this explorer in the wild and suddenly there's a big storm so he decides to build an igloo. He does, and even if he's sheltered from the storm, he has to worry about the wolves. His solution was to go out and sing at the top of his lungs to scare them off, but the storm started getting worse and worse so he had no choice but to stay inside his igloo. The worst part was when he started to notice that it was getting smaller and smaller, he realized his breath was freezing to the walls. He had no more room to move, but he couldn't stop breathing… then there's this quote that stuck with me, it said 'the instrument of his destruction is the very thing he needs to keep him alive. For a man cannot live if he does not breathe. But at the same time, he will not live if he does breathe.'"

"Did he manage to escape?"

"I think he did, but what's important is that that's exactly how I was feeling. I knew I had to come out eventually in order to be fully happy and feel alive, in a way. But at the same time, coming out was what was paralyzing me and scaring me to death. I was trapped in my own igloo, not knowing what to do. I needed to tell them so that I could live my life but this thing I needed could also lead me to ruining the bond I had with my family."

Sana hummed and placed her head on Dahyun's shoulder again, she breathed in her perfume and intertwined their hands. "What did you do? How did you make a choice?"

"I just couldn't take it anymore, I was about to explode. I made sure I was ready for whatever consequence and just did it. I went with my mom to the supermarket and when we were in the car about to go back home, I just told her."

"How did she react?"

"She was calm, she didn't say anything. I think she was more shocked than anything else, she didn't see it coming. But… a day later I found a small note on my pillow when I got back home from school. It said 'You're my daughter and I will always love you just as you are, Mom.' I ran to the kitchen and hugged her, we both cried and everything started to get better for me. I felt lighter, happier."

"I'm glad she was okay with it."

"Me too," she smiled and looked at Sana. "And I'm sure I felt like that because I did it out of my own free will, I did it because I wanted to and I felt ready. What I'm trying to say is please don't feel pressured by me or anyone else to come out, I don't want you to live with that resentment."

"Babe, I swear that if and when I do it it's going to be because I want to. The only thing I'd change is the circumstances, I hate that I blindsided you somehow."

"I just want to help you."

"You do. You're incredible."

Sana kissed her lips tenderly and then put her arms around her. They hugged for what seemed like forever, breathing each other in, letting their hearts synchronize their rhythms.

"I love you," Sana whispered against her neck, her voice so weak that if Dahyun hadn't been literally attached to her she wouldn't have heard it. A blush crept up Sana's cheeks when she could feel and hear Dahyun's heart picking up speed. "I know it may seem soon but it's what I feel. I love you. And I wish there was a bigger word to express how you make me feel, but there isn't and somehow those three words are enough and not enough at the same time."

Dahyun wanted to cry. She had been telling herself not to put her feelings into words yet, not to slip up and accidentally confess to Sana that she loved her. It had been so damn hard, but she didn't want to scare her off. But here she was. Sana loved her. Sana. Loved. Her… Her brain was not playing a trick on her, right? As if on cue, Sana repeated herself.

"I love you so much."

Dahyun broke the hug and looked at Sana's eyes only to find them filled with worry and love, expectation and hope. She kissed her senseless. Kissed her until she couldn't feel her lips anymore, until the kiss could engrain on Sana's brain how much she loved her.

"And I love you…" Dahyun broke the kiss to say, lips red and swollen. "I've known it for a while," she left a kiss on her cheek. "I think it was love at first sight," another kiss on her jaw. "I didn't use to believe in it but the moment I met you everything changed," she placed both her hands on her cheeks and looked into her eyes. "I love you," she said shyly.

Sana giggled, a pink blush taking over her neck and face. She tried to hide it with her hands.

Dahyun brought them down and placed them around her neck. "Kiss me," she whispered.

Sana didn’t have to be told twice. She brought Dahyun closer and placed her lips on hers, moving slowly but intensely. She opened her mouth and let her tongue explore her mouth, breathing in sharply the moment Dahyun bit her lower lip, tugging a little bit.

Sana hummed into her mouth, sending shivers down Dahyun's entire body. One of her hands tangled in her hair as she brought the younger girl impossibly closer. The kiss got hungrier and sloppier. Sana put one of her legs over Dahyun's hips and straddled her, the latter's hands found their way to rest on her girlfriend’s waist.

Everything felt like it was burning and Sana couldn't handle it anymore. She took off her shirt and threw it on the floor, Dahyun's hungry eyes were devouring her as they travelled the expanse of her torso.

"Please touch me," Sana whispered against her lips. Dahyun's hands caressed from in between her shoulder blades to the little of her back and then up again to unclasp her bra. Sana felt shivers as Dahyun took it off slowly, letting the tips of her fingers drag across her skin in a feather-like touch.

Sana found the hem of her girlfriend's shirt and tugged at it, Dahyun nodded and in a second it was on the floor with the rest of their clothes. Sana kissed her jaw, her neck, her collarbones. Her warm hands touched every inch of skin available to her, her hot lips left embers as they kissed her.

The skirt Sana was wearing did little to cover her legs as she pushed Dahyun back on the mattress. The younger girl's fingers made their way to her thighs, up and down again and again. Sana started to move against her, her hips bucking whenever Dahyun scratched her skin. Sana kept kissing down her girlfriend’s body, using her lips to leave bruises as she basked in the small whines Dahyun let out.

She kissed over her breasts, her sternum, her ribs, her stomach and when she got to her jeans she unbuttoned them with deft hands.

Dahyun put a hand to Sana's chin to make her go back up, her mouth finding hers in a heated kiss. Sana fumbled with Dahyun’s jeans and only broke the kiss to get them off her body. She then made a show of getting rid of her skirt, doing it extremely slowly just to make the other girl suffer.

Once more, Sana hovered over Dahyun, whose legs found their way over the former's hips and pushed her down. "You're a dream," Dahyun murmured against Sana's ear.

Sana's hand moved from Dahyun's cheek down her side, then to her tummy until she found the waistband of her underwear. Dahyun automatically lifted her hips, trying to find some kind of contact, but Sana created some distance between their bodies. The sly smile she had on her face gave away that she knew exactly the effect she had on Dahyun.

"Please…" Dahyun breathed. Sana's finger hooked around the garment and slid it off her girlfriend’s legs. Sana left a trail of kisses on her thighs but never got to where Dahyun needed her most.

Sana found her mouth again, pressing her body against Dahyun’s as her tongue worked wonders. "Tell me what you want," Sana whispered.

"I- I want you… inside," Dahyun would be lying if she said she didn't feel embarrassed whenever she voiced her desires. Sana kissed her cheek and her hand cupped Dahyun's core without hesitation. She used two of her fingers to move up and down her slit, gathering the juices that collected there. The weak moans and whines that Dahyun let out were Sana's favourite sounds, and she found them even more ethereal when she knew she was the reason for them.

Sana circled her clit, adding different levels of pressure according to how Dahyun reacted, she then made her way to her entrance and teased her a bit. When she slid a finger inside, Dahyun let out the loudest moan yet, her head falling back and her hands tightening their grip around Sana's body. Sana moved her finger in and out, picking up speed. She then added a second one and did the same as her thumb played with her clit. Dahyun grabbed Sana's head and kissed her, a sloppy kiss that was inevitably broken every few seconds whenever Sana hit the right spot.

Dahyun's hips started moving on their own as she chased her high, a perfect unison between their movements. It didn't take long for her to come, her high-pitched wail resonating around the room. Sana kept her fingers inside until Dahyun came down from her orgasm, her breathing laboured as her body spasmed.

Sana brought them out and used her tongue to lick them clean. Dahyun's eyes filled with lust as she spinned them around, pinning Sana on the bed. She quickly discarded her soaked panties and took a second to take her beauty in. The way her chest rose and fell, the way her hair framed her face perfectly, the rosy tint of her cheeks, the way her eyes darkened as she looked up at her. Dahyun found her neck, sucking and nipping on the sensitive skin as if her life depended on it. She bit her earlobe and relished in the groan that left Sana's throat.

"Babe, I swear to God if you don't do something now…" Sana warned, eyes closed as Dahyun kept working on her pulse point.

Dahyun took one of her nipples between her fingers as she kissed down Sana's body. The girl didn't hold back her moans when Dahyun's tongue found her clit. She flicked it fast then slow and everything in between, her hands never leaving Sana's breasts. The older girl arched her back at the feeling and lifted her head to look at Dahyun, only to find the other girl already looking at her.

"Fuck…" Sana moaned when Dahyun's finger started pumping in and out of her, her tongue still giving attention to her bundle of nerves. "Right there… yes."

Dahyun kept her pace until she felt Sana's walls start to clench. When she did, she stopped everything she was doing, the other girl whined and looked at her with hooded eyes. "Please don't stop."

Dahyun blew cold air against her hot core, making every hair on Sana's body stand on end. She then inserted two fingers and her tongue went back to business, keeping a faster pace than before, moving with a renewed vigor. Sana's hands pushed her head closer to her core as she jerked her hips against her face, searching for release. She came around her fingers and over her chin, her heart threatening to break her ribs. "Fuck…" she breathed out.

Dahyun climbed up her body and then rolled to her side, also trying to catch her breath. Sana giggled and nuzzled her neck. Dahyun enveloped her with her arms and kept her close, their legs a tangled mess.

"I love you," Dahyun whispered against her hair.

"I love you too," Sana left a sweet kiss on her cheek, then went back to rest her head on Dahyun's chest.

They remained like that for ten more minutes and when they were about to doze off, Sana's phone started ringing. Her eyes widened at the realisation that she had left her best friend in charge of her mother… the mother she was supposed to be spending time with after not seeing her for months…

"Shit," Sana got up from the bed and started looking for her clothes. Dahyun was confused but started doing the same with her own.

"Is everything okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Um, I may have lied to my mom about only leaving to get some stupid keys… and I told Momo to distract her while I was gone," Sana confessed as she desperately looked for her shirt.

Dahyun handed it to her and they went out into the living-room to get Sana's handbag. The older girl headed to the door in a flash but her girlfriend stopped her before she could open it. "Wait, wait. Your hair is a mess, and um… your neck. I'm sorry," Dahyun apologized with puppy eyes.

Sana huffed and ran to the bathroom. Upon seeing her reflection, she shot daggers through the mirror at her girlfriend. She washed her hands and face and then used some of Dahyun's makeup to cover the marks, brushed her hair and put on some perfume.

Both girls made their way back to the door and Dahyun kissed her goodbye. "Take it easy," she whispered against her lips. "I'll be here."

Sana looked at her one last time and left the building. She would have a lot of explaining to do.

She hailed a cab, got in and sighed. She took out her phone and texted Momo.

Sana [00:46]  
I'm on my way back  
Be there in ten

Momoring [00:47]  
You owe me big time  
Nayeon and I are running out of excuses  
What took you so long? Is everything okay?

Sana [00:49]  
Yeah, everything's great  
Things just got a little out of hand🙈

Momoring [00:50]  
You're unbelievable

\-----------------------------

Sana texted Momo when she was downstairs and the girl let her in. When she opened the door and saw her friend, she would have died if looks could kill.

"What the fuck," Momo hissed under her breath so that her mother and Sana's wouldn't hear.

"I'm so sorry," Sana apologized quickly. "I swear I'll make it up to you."

"You better," Momo moved to the side and let her in. "Look who's here," she said in a singsongy tone for everyone to hear.

"Oh, Sana, what took you so long?" Her mom asked from her place between Mayuko and Nayeon, in front of them was a game of Scrabble.

"You know, it's almost impossible to get a cab on a Saturday night and then, well, we started talking a bit and lost track of time."

Nayeon let out a cackle. "I bet."

"Did you get the keys?"

"Yeah," she lied, patting her handbag.

"Great, we were about to start a game while waiting for you but now we can go home. I'm a bit tired."

"Yeah, sure. Scrabble can wait."

Fumiko and Mayuko stood up and bid goodbye with a hug, Sana's mom then hugged Momo and Nayeon.

"It was nice seeing you again, Momo, and it was a pleasure to meet you, Nayeon."

"The pleasure was mine."

Mother and daughter walked out of the building and into the fresh night air. They got to Sana's apartment some time later, both tired to their bones.

They washed up and got ready for bed.

"It was a nice day today," Fumiko said as she hugged her daughter in the middle of the living-room.

"Yeah…" Sana agreed as she hugged the tiny woman closer. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, my sweet Sana." Fumiko cupped her daughter's face and admired her with tender eyes. "You're the best thing I ever did in my life."

She kissed her head and turned around to go to Sana's room to sleep. Sana stood in place for a couple of minutes, weighing whether to go after her mom and tell her all her heart was begging her to disclose, or whether to wait. She decided on the latter, so she did the same as Fumiko did a few minutes prior and walked to the other side of the apartment, to Momo's old room.

She got into bed and wrapped herself with the covers, it was not a cold night, but she loved the comfort it brought her. She picked up her phone and texted Dahyun.

Sana [01:38]  
Hey  
I'm home and in bed now

Dahyunnie💜👶 [01:39]  
Hii  
Okay baby go to sleep  
It's late

Sana [01:40]  
Yeah, you do the same

Sana wondered whether to send another text. It felt weird to say it through a phone, but she still hit 'send.' Once she pronounced those words, it was almost impossible to stop saying them, and Dahyun deserved to hear them every time.

Sana [01:42]  
I love you

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:43]  
And I love you  
So so so so so much  
My fingers would fall off if I had to type how much I love you

Sana laughed, immediately covering her mouth so as not to make noise and wake her mother.

Sana [01:45]  
Don't be ridiculous

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:45]  
I mean it  
I mean everything I say  
And I mean it when I say tonight was incredible  
And I'm not talking only about… you know🙈  
I'm talking about the chat we had

Sana [01:47]  
Yeah.. it was hard but I'm glad we talked  
I needed that  
Thank you for being there for me

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:48]  
Always❣  
Okay now I mean it, GO TO SLEEP

Sana [01:48]  
It's hard when you're not here🥺

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:49]  
The faster you fall asleep the less time you spend awake missing me  
I know I'm irresistible, but make the sacrifice

Sana [01:51]  
Now you're full of yourself🤦♀️

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:51]  
😎

Sana [01:52]  
Goodnight  
I love you💫  
To the moon and back

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [01:52]  
I love you to the moon and back a hundred times

Sana smiled and turned off her phone. She closed her eyes and let sleep take her to dreamland. She had made a decision, and tomorrow was a big day. She was ready.

\-----------------------------

Sana woke up first, her eyes took some time to adjust to the light that filtered into the room from the window. She turned in bed and stretched her limbs.

She tiredly walked to the bathroom and then went back to what used to be Momo's room. That's when she realised she didn't have any of her clothes to change, and she didn't want to wake her mother, so she settled for staying in her pyjamas, an old shirt Dahyun forgot one day and she never let her get back. ("You stole my shirt the first night we met," Sana argued as she hugged Dahyun's t-shirt close to her chest. "You told me to keep it!" Dahyun replied astonished Sana used that incident to her favour.)

There was not much she could do, so she decided to cook some breakfast for her and her mom. She needed the strength of a good nutritious meal if she was going to go through with 'the talk.'

She cooked some eggs and made French toast, juiced some oranges and also prepared some of her special coffee.

She was setting everything on the table when she heard the door to her room creak.

"Good morning," she said with a smile as her mother approached her.

"Good morning," Fumiko sat down and admired everything her daughter had prepared for them. "Wow, what's the special occasion?"

Sana choked a little. She knew her mother didn't have a clue of what was going to happen, but she couldn't help feel caught.

"Can't I just do something nice for my mother?"

"Of course you can, you should do it more, even."

Sana laughed and sat down next to the woman. They both enjoyed breakfast reminiscing about old cartoons Sana used to watch, about the different phases she went through as a teenager, the embarrassing haircut she gave herself when she was eight…

"Ah, that was a good one," Fumiko laughed. "Okay, enough of the old times, I better do the dishes so we can head out. Today's such a beautiful day, maybe we can go to the Han River, what do you think?"

Fumiko stood up and started piling plates, but her daughter grabbed her wrist and stopped her movements before she could take them to the kitchen.

"Yeah, sounds great but-" a lump formed in Sana's throat, her breathing quickened, her heart was beating faster.

"What?" The woman put the plates down on the table again and sat down, her full attention on Sana. "Are you okay? You look a little pale." She put the back of her hand to Sana's forehead to see if she had a temperature.

"I'm- I'm okay… it's just that I need to talk to you about something," she definitely didn't think her body would be reacting this way. She really thought the most difficult part, that of accepting yourself and deciding to come out, had already passed but it turns out she somehow felt more scared now. This was the moment of truth, the moment her life would change forever, either for better or worse. There would be no going back.

"What is it, Sana? You're worrying me."

"No, it's nothing to worry about. I… hope it's not." Her mother looked at her confused. "I'm trying to tell you something but it's hard."

Fumiko took Sana's hands in hers and stroked them with her thumb. "You know you can tell me anything."

Sana covered her face with her hands in an attempt to focus and ready herself. She had spent years imagining this conversation, yet in that moment no words would leave her mouth, no sentence made sense, no preparation was enough.

"I-" she started with a broken voice. "I… fuck…" she cursed for not finding the courage she so needed.

The woman put one of her hands to her daughter's cheek and caressed her, looking at her with ever-patient eyes. Eyes that said 'take your time', eyes that said 'I'm here for you.'

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for years now… but I never-" her voice failed her, she took a deep breath to steady herself and carried on. "I never had the courage. I still don't know if I have it but I'm doing it anyway cause it's killing me now."

Fumiko looked a thousand times more worried, her brows furrowed, her comforting smile from before faded. Still, she didn't interrupt.

"I like girls," Sana confessed without looking at her mother. "I've known it since I was like eleven and it still took me this long to come out to you." Sana didn't give her mother time to say anything, once the words left her mouth and hanged in the air between them it was as if a thousand kilos had been lifted off her shoulders. She thought that was just an expression, an exaggeration people used, a metaphor, but at that moment she understood what people meant. The tap had been opened and there was nothing that could stop the flow now. "I had a really hard time at first, I hated myself, I hated that it was happening to me, I hated that I couldn't talk about it to anyone… but, as I grew up I started to accept myself little by little."

Sana's mother hummed as she listened, nonetheless, her expression didn't reveal anything about what she was thinking. A perfect poker face.

"I really really wanted to tell you but I never found the courage… I don’t want you to think that I lied to you, or that I was a hypocrite for going along whenever you talked to me about boys. I was just so damn scared. Scared of you not loving me anymore, of being a disappointment, of you not accepting this side of me even if I'm still me. This is who I am and who I've always been, now I'm just putting it into words. I'm tired of pretending... and I want to share everything with you, just as I tell you when I'm happy cause I aced an exam or when I pass an audition, or when I'm stressed because of school and work, I want to tell you when I fall in love or when I get butterflies in my stomach just by being looked at by a special person. I want you to be a part of my life… without pretenses."

Sana took a deep breath and it felt like breathing for the first time. Her nerves had now calmed down and she felt a mixture of relief and hope and fear and every single other emotion. She didn't regret it, though, she felt so much better now.

Fumiko looked down at her hands, trying to process the load of information that had just been dropped on top of her head. "Sana," she looked into her daughter's eyes. "You don't ever have to be scared of me not loving you. You're my daughter, my perfect little girl, ever since I found out I was pregnant with you. I've loved you from before you were born and I'll love even after I die."

Sana started crying, those were the words she needed to hear. The words she dreamed of since she was a confused kid trying to figure out what the hell was going on with her. Her mother started crying too at seeing her daughter like that.

"I just feel angry at myself, disappointed of my role as a mother, for not making you feel that you had a safe space to talk about what you were going through. I feel terrible thinking that you had to experience all of that alone…"

"No, please don't feel bad. It was just me, something I had to figure out on my own."

"I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this now. Thank you."

Sana hugged her mother. Her arms pressed her hard against her own body, and she breathed in her scent. She had missed her so much and now she was there and everything had turned out fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine. She wished she could tell her eleven-year-old self that.

"I love you," Sana said against her hair.

"I love you too, my Sana."

Sana untangled herself from her arms and dried her tears. "There's something else…" she said with a shy smile.

"That girl, right? Dahyun…"

"Yeah…" Sana answered, her smile widening at the mention of her girlfriend. "We're together, ever since New Year’s."

"I've noticed something different between the two of you…" Fumiko said teasingly, pointing a finger at her daughter. "And… I've noticed the glasses on your bedside table… glasses that you don't need."

Sana face-palmed herself. "I'm gonna kill her." Her mother laughed and pushed her shoulder lightly.

"She seems like a nice girl."

"She is… she's absolutely incredible. When I'm with her, it's as if the whole world just stops, everything turns beautiful and colourful and fun," Sana couldn't hide the smile that crept on her face. "She makes me laugh until my stomach hurts and my cheeks feel like they are about to tear apart, she plays the piano to comfort me when there's a storm, she knows how to make me feel special and loved. She cooks meals and writes cute little messages on sticky notes for me to read when I'm having lunch. She loves puns and is very passionate about music. She's hard-working and loving and thoughtful and I'm so lucky to have found her… or her finding me actually."

Fumiko smiled as she listened to Sana ramble. She loved to see her daughter like this, so happy and in love, free of unnecessary emotional baggage. "I'm happy you're happy. And I can't wait to get to know her… I already liked her when I met her but if she makes you feel like this then I'll love her even more. How about she joins us at the Han River? I don't want to leave without walking along it, or having a picnic by the shore. What do you think? This time you can even introduce her as your girlfriend."

"I'd love that," Sana let out a bubbly laugh, still unable to grasp everything that had just happened. Incapable of understanding how lucky she was to be loved like this.

As her mother prepared a bag with food and drinks, she texted Dahyun.

Sana [11:29]  
I hope you're ready to meet your mother-in-law cause she's ready to meet you  
Join us by the Han River in 20  
Love you

Dahyunnie 💜👶 [11:31]  
Oh boy  
Wow  
Okay  
Yeah  
Great  
Not nervous at all  
Also, I'm proud of you❣  
And I'm happy everything turned out okay  
I love you to the moon and back

Sana [11:33]  
I love you to the moon and back a hundred times

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I really hope you enjoyed this story. It was a pain in the ass to post it cause I lack the brain cells to understand how to create a series on this site but if you're reading this then I guess I could work it out. Please leave comments and tell me what you think, they really make my day. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I've tried my best. Stay safe :)
> 
> P.S. Fuck English prepositions


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